Why are we in denial?
I am not sure if I was ever in denial about Kai and when he was diagnosed with Autism as I knew he always had learning difficulties nevertheless, I have spoken to a number of families and when they received the news or even when I have spotted something in their kids and asked them to get assessments, you get varied reactions from ranging to sadness and anger to despair.
I always try to say its not the end of the world but how do you say this when you see all these emotions?
This blog I will talk about denial and why families will often slip into this unhealthy pattern.
This can end with very tragic results.
Denial can be seen in Many ways, I know many parents fear that autism is just a label and a result of parents failures, this can lead to rejecting the doctors and Cahms diagnosis, due to the parents emotions they will think that the child will just grow out of the difficulties, this is very wishful thinking if you take the case of myself I will be 40 next week and I still have learning difficulties we can find ways to mask them and even find ways to spell or read better but we will always struggle as our learning style is different to the mainstream. In the case of autism the traits will always be there no matter what. So I would defiantly say this is dangours and wishful thinking.
Others may neglect to even want to spent time with their child, this could be because they don’t know how to handle the child anymore, I would defiantly say if you have any misunderstanding of your child and with this can lead to even greater denial that you seek guidance from NAS or other charities and also from the Childs school. this will allow the parent to educate themselves with the learning difficulties in this case I’m talking about autism but I know others can be in denial too. I would defiantly say not to read every blog even though I am writing this one, every child is different so why its good to get some options you really do need the help of the experts especially if this is your first time in seeing Autism.
Denial is very bad of a child with autism, and most children with autism or diagnosed with autism are boys, stats here I am unsure why this is but I have seen girls with autism and they seem to be able to mask it better, maybe because girls are better at coping or copying actions and look at trying to fit in.
Nevertheless, this ends with autism is just a boys thing but it really isn’t so if you have a daughter who is diagnosed you maybe more in denial and this is even more catastorific to the child and to your own sanity. this will also play havoc on your family and any means to deal with this diagnosis.
I would suggest any parent going through this to find a support group or other parents with autistic children, this will allow you to discuss feelings and also see your not alone In this. I take Kai to ActiveAutim which is run by Fulham Football club, where kai can get training from Fulham coaches and also around many parents with autism and we can have a chat about what is happening in outlives and support one another why the children also experience social aspects as well as football.
Remember there is no cure for autism it is not an illness, so please don’t try to attempt to obtain a cure this will result in even further denial.
I would suggest to also open up to family members and friends as this may be a tremendous support model that will help to show the positives and negatives your feeling, relatives are defiantly a neutral ground and will support you no matter what. remember denial is very bad and remember your not just labelling your child no matter what anyone says autism is real and not just a way of getting attention.
People will say your just labelling your child and they are not a label this will also be bad as more denial will kick in nevertheless, its really not its a support model its help you really need and once you have this you can get the support your child needs.
try to be positive and don’t let people who hate get you down also.
All the best Terry